2 weeks....

It's been a bizarre two weeks. Many emotions swirling inside and out, of my being. I really havent begun the true grieving process yet, too many distractions, or at least that's what my therapist says.  She said it would feel like Andrew was on a business trip for awhile until THAT while was too long.  Then I would begin to feel the deep sorrow and pain of the loss. She is way more experience with this kind of thing so I take her word for it and go about my days. But she's right so far, it just feels like one long business trip. I still feel like he's going to walk through the door any day now.  It doesn't seem final, not yet.

Andrew's oncologist sent me a letter today expressing his deepest condolences. He had also called me the day he passed to extend his condolences. I always liked to think that he enjoyed treating us because we were young not like the rest of his patience. Anyway in his letter he said that Andrew approached his illness with courage and dignity and that he it was a privileged to have know Andrew. The letter made me cry, as do most cards that arrive in mail. But it brought me back to the days we spent in the clinic, treatment after treatment hoping that this was just a chronic disease.  Something that he would live with for many years to come. We both begged for 10 years, that we could deal with this for 10 years. We got just under a year.

I'm crying as I write this, I don't get the chance to morn him durning the day.  The kids distract me from any kind of sadness.  Isla makes me laugh constantly, she is truly my best friend.  I love to hear her talk and see the world through her eyes.  She doesn't understand the finality of Andrew's death (neither do I) and asked to call him the other day. She said she missed him.  We were driving so I didn't have the ability to "lose it" so I had to explain that phones can't call heaven. But that we can talk to him without a phone and he will hear us. I don't think that made sense to her 3 3/4 years old mind, I didn't know what else to say.

The memorial is soon, and I look forward to all the familiar faces that will be gathered. It makes me so sad that we just had a gathering like this 5 years ago in St. Lucia. It does't feel right or fair to be doing this so soon after the wedding.

I am so thankful for all the love and support people have showed me thus far.  The sympathy cards continue to pour in and when I woke yesterday my driveway was shoveled. Human beings are wonderful creatures.

Celebration details.

It's almost a week since Andrew passed.  My heart is heavy.

I laid in bed last night listening to Isla giggle in her sleep.  It makes me smile and wish I knew what made her giggle. Her little mind amazes me, (yes I am biased) but she thinks and remembers so much. She will bring up random memories from past trips, memories I forgot about.

 I see so much of Andrew in her. She asked me earlier that day when we would be taking another plane ride.  I know she is getting antsy, like her Daddy to take a trip. I told her I didn't know, but it made my stomach turn.  This would be a conversation Andrew and I would have and discuss some crazy plan to spend the week in St. Croix or someplace exotic where no one else went.  Somewhere off the beaten path. But now the burden is all mine, and I think what would Andrew want to do? 

Before he passed we had a long discussion about how we really balance each other, and how I would miss this so much. And I was nervous about flying off the handle.  He told me when I am spinning emotionally to think to myself and say, "What would Andrew do?"  I chuckled, it broke the sadness. But I now find myself thinking this over and over and over each day. Especially when planning his life celebration. 

Here are the details of the event.  It takes place at the Marriott located in Patriots Place, very fitting for a sports fan.  

 Below you will find the reservation links your guests can use to make online reservations.  Please remember to remind them that parking is complimentary Self or Valet depending on what is going on at Patriot Place and although the Website indicates that Parking may have a $50 fee, All of your guests will Not be responsible for such charge.   

If you have questions or need help with the links, please do not hesitate to ask. We appreciate your business and look forward to a successful event.  At this time, your guests may call 508-543-5500 and reference theCelebration of Andrew Cuthill’s Life Room Block to make their reservations at the group rate of $159.   The attendees may also book directly online by using the link below:

**Please note that if your guests are looking to book their reservations online, if they attempt to make their reservation to check in prior to 12/4/14 or if they choose to stay beyond 12/7/14 the system will respond that there are no rooms available, so if they make you aware of it, please let me know and I can see if we can get them into the hotel with their desired check in /check out dates.

Celebration Of Andrew Cuthill's Life

Start date: 12/4/14

End date: 12/7/14

Last day to book by: 11/24/14

Marriott hotel(s) offering your special group rate:

·  Renaissance Boston Patriot Place Hotel  for 159 USD  per night

Book your group rate: Celebration Of Andrew Cuthill's Life >>

Just a reminder, the cutoff date for your block is  11/24/14 Please advise your guests to make their reservations prior to this date.

Renaissance Boston Patriot Place Hotel for $159.00-USD  per night

We've finally come to a decision on Andrew's memorial.  It will be held at the Renaissance Marriott at Patriot's place in Foxboro from 2-4pm on December 6th.  We've held about 30 rooms for out of town guests at a reduced rate, just mention Cuthill memorial.  Here is the link to the hotel.

http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/bospp-renaissance-boston-patriot-place-hotel/

I would a quick RSVP to get an idea of how many people are coming. Also if you have any question or concerns, you can email me. Also if you are posting pictures of Andrew on Facebook, could you tag me or Jamie in the pics? That would be helpful, there are so many beautiful pictures out there we'd love to see.
Karlacuthill@gmail.com

Thanks,
Karla

Transition

It's been two days since Andrew passed. I'm not really sure how I feel at the moment.  I have a  sense of relief, he was in a tremendous amount of pain towards the end.  Even before the end, he suffered under chemo, and the side effects.  The treatments were difficult on so many levels, nothing about his  cancer was easy. He fought, so hard though all the ups and downs he never wanted to give up. Even at the end he fought the whole time. In his final moments you could see his frustration, and desire to stay. But it still doesn't feel real, as if he's on a business trip and will be home soon. I'm not sure it will ever feel real.

He was surrounded by all his family, he was at home.  I refused to have him at the hospital, it seemed so impersonal. And with all he went through I felt he could at least have his bed and the comfort of home. 

 Hospice was great, could not have done it without them.

I've been overwhelmed with support and love from so many people. Thank you to those of you who have reached out, emailed, texted and called.  It means so much to know he meant so much to so many.
Karla

Requests from friends.

Karla here, I hacked into Andrew's blog.  I didn't think I could figure it out, but I did and proud of myself.
Many of you already know, that Andrew's health has taken a turn for the worse. He was recently in the hospital due to severe abdominal pain and given heavy narcotics to ease the pain.  The oncologist informed us this would happen and isn't a good sign of things to come. The "last chance" chemo really took a toll on his health, and he is unable to continue with treatment. His body fought very hard to beat the cancer, but the science has yet to figure it out. We now have a Hospice team in place to support us through this difficult journey. The goal is to keep him comfortable and pain free.  I'm not going to go into details about the situation, that is not the reason for my post. I will explain, the reason for my hacking.

One of the many devastating aspects of this  awful situation is Isla and Graeme will not really know Andrew.  This is where I need your help. Many of you have shared wonderful times and memories with him.  If you could write a letter, or 10 ( you know who you are) to Isla and Graeme telling them of your wonderful memories. Even postcards Andrew sent you would be greatly appriciated. I will take these letters and make the kids books. They will learn about their father through all of you.  Pictures would be great as well.  You can either email them to me or snail mail. 
My email is  Karlacuthill@gmail.com
You can email me for our home address.

Now that I know I can hack his blog, I will post updates.  I'm not a huge writer so they will be brief. 
Thanks for reading,
Karla