It's been a long time since I've last written. I'm not a huge writer and it's difficult for me to be eloquent and precise with my words. And following Andrew's post is difficult since he was such a great writer. Anyway so here I am and it's the beginning of February and I thought I would update everyone on what's been going on here in the Cuthill house.

First, Isla started preschool three times a week. It's a community preschool just  3 miles from the house and it's great.  The class is small 12 kids and her teachers are warm, nurturing and very sweet. She counts the sleeps on Thursday till Tuesday when she is back at school.  I've met some of the moms from her class who do things together like story hour and various activities in the surrounding towns.  They invited me last week to tag along to a Science workshop and Isla had a blast.  This has been huge for me because I instantly felt more connected and grounded to where we are and really like the energy of the other moms.

 This has also established a routine for us, again bringing more normalcy to our lives.

Graeme is growing quickly, he's trying to walk which amazes me.  Isla walked early but she was such a peanut, I thought since Graeme is bigger it would take him longer to get up. Apparently not, and he spends much of his day cruising around the furniture and using his push walker.  He still isn't sleeping through the night. Only sleeping 4 hour stretches, which is brutal at times.  His teeth are also coming in so that may have something to do with the lack of sleep.

We've had a TON of snow the past few weeks. The last snow total I heard was over 40 inches in two weeks.  And we are under another storm warning till Tuesday, another 18 inches.  I'm not sure where they will put all this snow. It's going to be an interesting mud season. The cold has been brutal too, single digits and negatives at night. I almost booked a trip to the Caribbean this week to just get out of the snow and into some sunshine, but I am afraid to leave the house in these conditions. Also I am terrified of this measles outbreak and Graeme won't be vaccinated till he's a year. So for now we will stay put and get ready for another round of visitors.

 It's been nice to have the house to ourselves, I've really enjoyed the quietness of just us. Especially on the weekends when Amarilis leaves for the day or an overnight. I do love the help not sure I would be as calm without her, but there is something so real and wonderful about it just being the kids and me. Yes sometimes it's stressful, but at the end of the day I know that I am capable of being alone.  Capable of handling what life handed me and not complaining or worrying or being overwhelmed. And I know there will be nights when the kids are sick and it feels really awful, but for now I'm enjoying this time.

I dreamt about Andrew only for the second time since he past. I'm not sure if it's because my sleep is so interrupted or that I'm not open enough. But it was such a bittersweet experience this time.  The dream was so real, he was with me and talking to me about some situations I've had on my mind. But then I woke up and he wasn't beside me, that's when the sadness hit me like a ton of bricks. I've spent the past few days more sad than normal, crying without warning. A wave of sadness comes over me and I find myself wishing for silly things.  Things like a movie partner, or giggling over what Isla just said or watching Graeme get so frustrated over his inability to walk.  I miss him terribly and long for his touch.

I've also not be able to stop listing to Crowded House.  As many of you already know Andrew was obsessed with Neil Finn and Crowded House.  I was a fan before I met Andrew, it was something we initially shared on our ipod playlists. ( I think he was impressed I ran to "Take the weather with you") But I would never put them on without Andrew around, I would chose U2 or something else over Crowed House.  But lately, well since he died, I can't listen to anything else.  My poor children, I think they are a bit sick of it, but I can't help it. It somehow makes me feel closer to him.

Okay well thank for reading again, wish us luck in this next snow storm!
Karla