This picture makes me laugh, Graeme never smiles in pictures!


Andrews death hits me when I am the most quiet.

Almost been a year since my last haircut. I finally pulled the trigger and arranged for my mom to sit with Graeme while I got a new do. It was a new place, a new girl and new conversations. It was early and honestly I didn't want to make small talk.  I liked the quiet. But of course she apologized for not talking more and asked my plans were for the weekend.  My stomach sank, it felt like someone had just punched me in the gut.  I've been so busy this week trying to get an outfit, deal with paperwork and arrange dinner and house stuff to even think about it.  But in the quietness of that question I thought about it and I felt it.

Not sure what to think or to expect from the weekend. I studied Buddhism in college and one teaching from the Buddha is to live without expectations. It's a very difficult to live this way, we all have expectations about everything. I can safely say that this is a first and  I have no clue what to expect from this weekend.

One expectation that shocked me was planning a trip to Vegas. A good friend from college wants to meet sometime this spring to play with the kids and warm up. I told her I would research the flights and get back to her.  When I started to check on flights my stomach sunk and I became anxious. I did not expect that at all. Many of you know me to hop on a plane at any given time to fly anywhere in the world without question. This was a new and  bizarre feeling, I did not like one bit. I haven't ruled out the trip, I would like to see her and of course defrost from the Massachusetts winter. Andrew and I always said we would travel with kids, and I'd like to keep traveling. It just seems really lonely the idea of flying without him.

I look forward to seeing everyone this weekend.  For those of who are traveling, god speed.
Thanks for reading through my bad grammar. :)
Karla